My boyfriend doesn't like me go baldby danalendisPosted 2 years, 9 months ago
Hi friends, A few years ago, I had this disease that caused me serious hair loss. I've decided to go bald ever since. I've used wigs, but it's just not me. I struggled to win this disease and I want to remind myself everyday about that. My boyfriend doesn't seem to appreciate that. He wants me to change, anything but the bald head. I don't know what to do? What should I do? What would you guys do if you were me?
by otterspacePosted 2 years, 9 months ago
Hello there friend :)
When it comes to personal stuff, I've learned to ask rather then tell, so here are some questions instead.
When you push away the suggestion box full of other people's ideas about what you should want and how you should be, what's left behind? What do you want? When you look at other people's reasons for saying you shouldn't stay bald, are those reasons good enough for you? How would it make you feel if you wore wigs to make your boyfriend happy? When you think about doing that, what kind of feelings pop up first? Are they negative or positive? Does it feel like a fair solution? Are you ok with it or do you wish for something else? If so, what kind of scenario do you wish for? Have you discussed your wants/needs/dreams with your boyfriend? If not, why?
These are, of course, meant as private questions for you and yourself alone, so no need to actually discuss the answers here unless you feel like it. If you like, just take a quiet moment with yourself and try to be as honest to yourself as possible when answering (works best if you are). I hope you find a solution that suits you best and makes you happy :)
"Don't panic, and always carry a towel"
by katoxPosted 2 years, 9 months ago
So, let me get this straight, he wants you to continue wearing wigs even though they make you feel unhappy?
Errr, dump him? To be honest I don't think I'd be able to cope with his negativity and ultimately it would wear me down into thinking I was a worthless invidual. But, hey, that's just me, I have weird complexes about hair (and have been told in the past "I'd go out with you if you had longer hair" Errr thanks?). Find someone who loves you as you are I say, you're worth more than a stupid hairpiece.
(BoOop!}--- \\(' v ')//
Posted 2 years, 9 months ago
I'm really sorry to read about your situation @danalendis. I can't imagine how that must make you feel.
I don't know how long you've been with your boyfriend or how much history you have, and understand the desire to want to please him, but ultimately you have to love yourself too. And if he can't accept your choice not to wear a wig, then you may have to ask yourself some deeper questions about how much he values you.
You are more than just your appearance. Your boyfriend's job is to accept you as the most confident and comfortable version of yourself. To make you feel beautiful and desirable while you come to terms with the effects of your illness. If he's not doing that all because he's attached to some other unachievable physical ideal version of you, then he is probably not deserving of you. It takes immense strength to deal with a physical change like losing your hair. The fact that you are embracing it the way you are is just one of the many things proving how strong and resilient you are. You may be far too good for him.
I'm sorry. I know that's probably not something you want to hear but you might need to consider it anyway.
Best of luck.
Always be yourself. Unless you can be a Powerpuff Girl. Then always be a Powerpuff Girl. Or a Mermaid. Or a Unicorn. Or a Khaleesi...
Posted 2 years, 8 months ago
You should always be you. Never change. With that being said sometimes it's nice to change things up in a relationship. You could try looking at a variety of different wigs, maybe it's not you generally disliking wigs it's just the wigs you have. Who knows? Maybe you'll find something you absolutely love and your boyfriend will be happy too. If you can't find anything you like then don't stress. If your boyfriend makes this big a deal out of you being bald then maybe you shouldn't be with him.
by Jason_KiddPosted 2 years, 8 months ago
Hi, dear. Feel sorry to see hear that you were in such a situation with your boyfriend! My opinion is, you are what you are. If you do not want to do sth, just reject it. Your boyfriend just wants to see you on wigs, he has the right to chase a beautiful look on you. So, both of you are ok, just because the one he loves is not you. This is my opinion and hope it can help you!
“I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.” – June Jordan
by Lisa444Posted 2 years, 5 months ago
Well, the situation is complicated. try to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend and find compromis. If you love ech other, you will find the solution. Good luck!
by lynnettePosted 2 years, 4 months ago
it s a complicated situation. I had this craze of trying a very short haircut. went to the salon and got n cut shorter than a pixie. and was my boyfriend angry. so angry he did not speak to me for 2 days. I then asked him what I can do to change things as is has been done now and hair will grow back. then he answered in a shy voice, I would actually prefer it if you went shorter. so one evening while he was sitting in the living room, I had this idea, and was he shocked when I walked into the living room with a pair of clippers and asked did he mean something like this. I have never seen him with such a big smile. long story short,,,,, my hair was cut right there and then.
by NannteraPosted 1 year, 5 months ago
You must decide what is more important to you, your desire or your boyfriend.